Still blooming

The rhododendron continues to bloom, though it's definitely past its prime.

I'm feeling the same way lately. I'm feeling burned out lately at work – I've always acknowledged that work in b2b SaaS is a beast with an insatiable hunger. And yet I also frequently finding myself feeding the beast, giving it more of my energy than it deserves.

Last night I went for a bike ride on the Centennial trail. I only went 16 miles, but it was liberating. I rode out into a headwind and enjoyed both a small downhill grade and a tailwind on the return leg. I was flying – pure joy occurs somewhere around 20mph, and at a few points I was going nearly 25mph with low effort. It was a production getting out to the trail, riding, and getting home before Haleigh was asleep, but it was well worth the effort. I fell asleep immediately and felt like a million bucks this morning.

Tonight I drank 2 gin & tonics and felt good for a couple hours, but... I somehow suspect I won't feel the same pep in my step at 0530 tomorrow.

Work has been stressful lately. The details are unimportant; the challenges were avoidable, but such is life. I could spend the next 3000 words whinging about the situation, but it wouldn't change anything. Nor would it be interesting prose worth reading. Instead, I'm reflecting on what is in my control.

Things that come to mind:

• Working out
• Eating well
• Doing small things to help Haleigh and make her feel appreciated
• Taking more photos
• Writing more
• Pursuing hobbies

My mind is still reeling at the possibilities, but at no point did I think of work.

My dad got me hooked on a line from a Robert Frost poem when I was trying to figure out my life during (and after) college:

Only when love and need are one
and the work is play for mortal stakes
Is the deed ever really done
For heaven's and the future's sakes

It's the notion that loving what you do and getting paid to do it is the fulfillment of purpose.

The logic puzzle of MOPs work (and development work) keeps me engaged. Maybe even entertained. I make a good living. But fulfillment of purpose?

Nah. Work isn't that.